[Sad_Hazeleyes]

I have been very angry lately, and now I am feeling very weak and hopeless. The anger I have expressed and the hurt that I have caused everyone around me, is unbearable. I don't know why I felt and still feel so angry? I guess it is my way of protecting myself from being hurt and feeling the pain, I don't know. I guess I thought that the anger would give me some sort of strength that I don't have, and it would help me not want to quit, because all I want to do right now is die. I have been thinking about how much better I would feel in the long run if I wasn't here anymore. I wouldn't have to feel any more pain, no one would be able to hurt me, I would not hurt anyone else with my anger and resentment, and I would not be afraid and I wouldn't hate myself right now. I would finally have the peace, acceptance, and maybe love that I so desperately need and want right now. That is if I truly believe that there is a better place to go after death. But even if there isn't a better place, I wouldn't have to feel anymore.

I read Morning Glory's post, thank you for the encouraging words,and it did comfort me some, but not enough to get rid of this pain. I know that I will be hurting people, but I hope that they will forgive me and understand that I was sick and could not take the pain anymore.