hades,
i am glad to see that you seem to process this in somewhat positive direction. and like stacylove pointed out it might be one of those questions that you may never find an answer to. but in the end, does it really matter?
people break up or make up all the time in "normal" relationships, so i'm not sure why do we ponder on this so much just because our significant others are addicts. i have also spend numerous hours trying to understand what goes on in my husband's mind, why wouldn't he fight for us and our family, why does he just simply seem to have let go, etc., etc.
the more i think about it and i read other posts, it is so hard to understand the thought process of addicts for people that don't have the personal experience w/ an addiction. sometimes, even the addicts don't know why did they do these things once they get clean.
so, don't beat yourself up. you did great. you did way more than you were obligated to do and sometimes things happen that are best for us, even though we don't see it that way at the time.
time will tell and in the meantime, take care of yourself. devote all your efforts to yourself and things will get better. they usually do.
hugs and prayers.
