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Old 04-11-2011, 08:12 PM
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hades
Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2011
Posts: 40
Why did he break up with me?

I've been by my boyfriend's side for 5 years. 5 years of relapses, dishonesty, manipulation, jail, rehab, promises, secrecy, love, hate, chaos. I became addicted to hope. Hope that he would change, I would change, we would change.

I am not a substance user, however, I started to believe that I was the problem in our relationship. My self-worth was low and I wasn't myself any longer. I found comfort and peace in God. We both began to live Christ-centered lives (I think). I recommitted my heart to God and I have been very focused on my relationship with Him and growing in Him. The thought of us breaking up has been on my mind for a long time and because I felt a strong presence of God in my life, I received confirmation to let my ex go.

He is back in jail (drug charges). We talked about marriage and our future and I hesitantly agreed to marrying him while he is in jail. I think I agreed because part of me truly believed that if I married him, I could save him. Save him from his addiction, from jail, from everything he struggles with. I could bring him into my life, my circle of friends and family, my church, my support system. I am in nursing school and I had it all planned out. I would be an rn by the time he was released from jail. I would save money, we could move into a nice place, I would get him into a rehab center and help him find a job and give him a stable life. So why did he break up with me? It was his idea to get married in jail, when I said yes ... he said no. He said he needed to let me go because I deserve more and I am better than this and he would never let me be a jail wife. He said that everyone in my life knows that I could do better and it was the most loving and unselfish thing he could do for me because he could not give me what I need and want. He said he wants to do the right thing in Christ for once in his life. This was the first time he admitted to being an addict, too.

I am actually very grateful he did what I could not and I now understand how codependent and dysfunctional our relationship had become. I have no desire to be married to someone struggling in active addiction. It really is the most loving and unselfish thing he could ever have done for me. We have had no communication for a few weeks. I feel free. I still love him very much and I probably always will think of him. I just know that our lives are going in two different directions. I have heard from him since and he said it was painful for him, but he knows deep in his heart that I deserve more. He is right!

To anyone who made it this far ... my question, why did he break up with me? I have been the ONLY consistent person in his life for the last 5 years.
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