Hi again!
Originally Posted by
bevin 
Today I'm going to make a bunch of phone calls. If I freak out there really aren't any consequences other than embarrassment in front of strangers who I may never talk to again, so I think I can handle that.
How did it go for you? Did you decide to challange yourself? I personally have no problem talking on the phone to someone in public. The phone is a distraction for me. I volunteer on a helpline and i dread the phone rings. I am good on the phone, it is not on the phone that bothers me, it is the person/people in the office with me that make me anxious. I feel they are listening and judgeing my every word. This puts me on edge. where as if there was nobody in the room i would be looking forward to recieving/making a call. I have only started since Dec (once a week) am i am slowly finding my own way of handeling calls. I hope that the anxiety wont keep me from progressing. I just wish there was nobody there!
Originally Posted by
bevin Eek - well, there's another thing we have in common. My Mom had some serious issues when I was growing up. Oddly enough, I don't become abusive when I'm drinking, but my boundaries get really screwed up. I end up getting abused instead...and doing stupid sh*t like sleeping with random people.
Yes, my boundries lower too. Im sad to say that becoz of my alcohol dependancy i find it hard to become intimate with me (as well due to the anxiety). I would rather have a few cans in me to boost my confidence, which is sad and can be difficult for me. I wold like to add that my violence is never towards people, it is towards myself. I would end up injuring myself from doing something stupid like punching walls etc. (but that would be on spirits). When im sober though, i do have a tendancy to do this also.
Originally Posted by
bevin It scared me too, but I want a social life without having to get wasted. That wasn't working for me anyway, because I was terrified to see my friends sober. I felt like none of them really knew me - they just knew the version of me that would come out when I was drinking. That's what led to me drinking during the day actually...
Yes i know that exact feeling. When im drunk i am different then when i am sober, i think everyone is, but i feel like people dont know the real me. I dont even think i do. I have been told im diffeent sober and this hurts me becoz im not who people think i am. When i see people sober i am (in my head) trying to be the person they think i am. Like i am who i am, i cant change that...but drink can...and this is how people know me...with drink in me, which is sad. However i dont think that that would lead me to drinking during the day, because i dont see my friends during the week. This applies to men too. When i meet someone they think im someone else, and i am afraid to meet up with the again (besides the anxiety) because i feel like i would be boring.