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I also suffer from an ED- anorexia. I think it started when I was about 12 y/o and I have always been "crazy" about my food. I can understand what you are going thru. When I went off to college I found my ED really came out and I was VERY restrictive and over-exercised. It took so much out of me that I needed to transfer schools and move home. I went into treatment and found SO much comfort and compassion with the other girls. I am now 30 y/o, married with 2 kids. I honestly never thought I would make it thru 2 pregnancies but I did! I always believe that things happen for a reason and I never understood my ED- but I do know that if it wasn't for it I would have never met my husband and had my awesome kids! I wish I could say that things have gotten better but the ED shows its face from time to time. I am currently 5'4 and weigh 105- so I guess things are not good- and my kids are only 16 months and 3 y/o! Most women NEVER lose the weight- that was my wake-up call that I have to be better to myself. I find that I only eat when I am hungry and that is not right b/c I have trained myself to deny my hunger for so long!
What I have come to understand thru treatment is that it is NOT about the food- it is about the emotions we are holding inside of us. We restrict b/c it is sometimes the ONLY thing we can control! I can not control my husbands drinking but I certainly can control my weight! I am going thru hard times right now b/c my husband is in treatment b/c he is an alcoholic. What I needed to realize is that I can not control him and controlling my food will only hurt MY health!
I find that it takes alot of self-exploration and honesty to face an ED. But it can be done and you have so much ahead of you in life to enjoy. If you want help... and only if...talk to your Dr.
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