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lynwill2 · 08-05-2004, 06:42 AM

Hello Everyone,

Before I begin I need to Thank God for allowing me to wake up this morning, and the strength and courage to continue on. Thanks God.

Here's my story.. I have been in my present relationship for 6 years and I am currently in the process of trying to leave it. I have made this attempt several times and have always reconsidered and went back hoping things would change between us. I have been clean for 23 months and I had hoped that once I had remained clean and actively participated in a 12 step program that things would change between us..considering I was made to believe that my using was ruining the relationship. Well low and behold since I have been on this journey of recovery I found that I do not "like" this person that I am with, I do not trust them, which means a lot in a relationship. We have a lot of material things together that I am willing to let go. I am afraid that I do not love them as a life partner anymore but maybe as a friend. I am hurting inside something awful because this is a very hard transition for me but each minute I have to pray to God and try to stay in the moment. I am going to see my new residence today, and right now I don't know whether to be happy or sad. I do know that this has to happen in order for both of us to have peace. I have talked to my sponsor, shared some of this situation in meetings, prayed etc. I am so grateful for AA/CA because I would not be able to do this alone.

In the past my significant other was very revengeful and did a lot of negative things to me to get me back for some of the things that I did to them during my addiction and while I was clean. I do not like this feeling of fear that I have over this situation I am trying to have faith that they won't try to destroy my car or call my job with a bunch of past mess or just make life miserable for me.

I do know deep inside things may not be as bad as I am making them but being an addict I think of the worst scenario first.

I would appreciate any feedback negative or positive. Pray for me.
Thanks for letting me share. Lynda

08-05-2004, 06:42 AM	#1 (permalink)
lynwill2 Paused Join Date: Jun 2004 Location: georgia Posts: 6	Breaking Up is Hard to Do Hello Everyone, Before I begin I need to Thank God for allowing me to wake up this morning, and the strength and courage to continue on. Thanks God. Here's my story.. I have been in my present relationship for 6 years and I am currently in the process of trying to leave it. I have made this attempt several times and have always reconsidered and went back hoping things would change between us. I have been clean for 23 months and I had hoped that once I had remained clean and actively participated in a 12 step program that things would change between us..considering I was made to believe that my using was ruining the relationship. Well low and behold since I have been on this journey of recovery I found that I do not "like" this person that I am with, I do not trust them, which means a lot in a relationship. We have a lot of material things together that I am willing to let go. I am afraid that I do not love them as a life partner anymore but maybe as a friend. I am hurting inside something awful because this is a very hard transition for me but each minute I have to pray to God and try to stay in the moment. I am going to see my new residence today, and right now I don't know whether to be happy or sad. I do know that this has to happen in order for both of us to have peace. I have talked to my sponsor, shared some of this situation in meetings, prayed etc. I am so grateful for AA/CA because I would not be able to do this alone. In the past my significant other was very revengeful and did a lot of negative things to me to get me back for some of the things that I did to them during my addiction and while I was clean. I do not like this feeling of fear that I have over this situation I am trying to have faith that they won't try to destroy my car or call my job with a bunch of past mess or just make life miserable for me. I do know deep inside things may not be as bad as I am making them but being an addict I think of the worst scenario first. I would appreciate any feedback negative or positive. Pray for me. Thanks for letting me share. Lynda