I had to look up erethrophobia! My most visible symptom is that my face starts to twitch, especially around the left side of my mouth.
I also feel more comfortable around people I don't know - and in groups. That's why I picked that particular bakery - the people behind the counter are not interested in small talk! I've actually avoided certain restaurants because the owner was described in reviews as friendly and chatty. The worst would be sitting across a table one on one over coffee or dinner or something, so as you can imagine I haven't had much of a social life for the past few years.
I think that some of my problems stem from past traumas - I learned pretty early on how to hold my face and body very still so that people wouldn't be able to tell what I'm feeling. Now I can't seem to unlearn it. I'm aware of the fact that it's a bit creepy to talk to someone with a totally blank expression, but the minute I try to move or laugh or say something that takes more than 3 seconds to get out I start to panic.
The worst thing about this is that on the very rare occasion when I do meet someone I know unexpectedly and I'm not drunk or on Xanax, I totally freeze and I know I'm sending the message 'I don't want to be having this conversation right now and I want to get away from you.' I cannot tell you how guilty that makes me feel. They don't know what's going on - and they don't know that they've never seen me sober. There have been times I've wished that I could be drunk all the time, and there are times when I actually have been drunk all the time. I feel like I've wasted so much of my life dealing with things in entirely the wrong way.
I have taken the steps to get help with this - although my doctor doesn't seem all that interested. Our appointments have always been under 5 minutes and I've seen him 3 times in total, because I just moved here last year. He wrote me a referral to a psychiatrist, but I was put on a waiting list and was still on it after 3 months so I took matters into my own hands and found a private therapist. She's great, but I can only afford to see her twice a month.
I also made an appointment for intake to see a therapist that specializes in alcohol addiction, but that waiting list is also at least 3 months and I won't be in this city anymore by that time (I'm moving). I've started to check out resources in the city I'm moving to, and there's some stuff that looks hopeful. Are you in therapy?
If it makes you feel any better, I wouldn't be bothered by your blushing - I'm a pretty sympathetic person. The problem is that there's some reptilian part of the brain that asks 'Do I trust this person to be compassionate?' With an anxiety disorder, the automatic answer is no. It's like the part of the brain that's supposed to make that judgment has blown a fuse.