Amerce
I am 25 years old now and I haven't seen my father in 5-6 years now. He was an alchoholic since I was 8 years old. I grew up in a unstable very shaky childhood. My mom worked night shift usually gone by the time I got home from school and then I had to be the "mature" 8 yr old and pretty much raise my father (father because he was part in creating my life but he is not a "dad" to me never was) my whole childhood was spent worrying about him making sure he did not get arrested or hurt himself or my brothers. He was very v iolent, irresponsible, abusive and just a bad person when he drank. He always manipulated my brothers and I to lie for him to my mother...to tell her he wasn't drinking while she was away. If we didn't we would deal with the consequences which usually included some sort of violent outbursts or him just guilting us about how he can't trust us. We had two choices growing up...go with his drinking and not tell mom then end up dealing with the drunkenness and praying to god he passed out early or go against it and be treated like crap the next day after my mom left for work when he went on his drunken rages. I've dealt with being 8 yrs old standing in a grocery store with him with urine on his pants so ridiculousy drunk he could hardly walk and reeking of liquor then yelled at until I got in the car and he DROVE us home. He loved to drink and drive with us kids. He was so irresponsible and ridiculous he would show up at my sschool events drunk as hell and I would hope nobody noticed and try to keep him hidden from my friends so nobody knew about him. Years later once I. Grew up and realized what was wrong with him, after my first daughter was born I decided I don't need someone like that in my life. My life has been more fulfilling not dealing with him than the pain of having him in my life. My brothers still keep in contact with him and continue to baby him because "he's their dad" he's still violent still wakes up drinking first thing, still passes out drunk, still the same pitiful man he's always been and it makes me SO mad that he stresses them out so much he drives them crazy and checks out of this world by 12:00 noon everyday...yyet they put up with him. He still tries to contact me but I refuse to speak to him until he is one day sober, if that day never comes then I was never worth it to him and my kids aren't worth it to him but I know that I won't be wasting myself away on him. I believe that if you beg someone for change and threaten to cut them out your life and they don't change? They don't deserve to be part of your life parent or not. The hardest part about cutting ties with him is the tension between my brothers and I. He became homeless because his family would let him stay with them with one rule, no drinking, so he chose to sleep under a bridge! My brother felt bad and said he could live with him and he let's him drink all day because my "poor" dad, no one will "accept"him for who he is (his words) if you tell him no drinking he will leave. So my brother allows it They don't get it, they deal with it and let him bring them down with him and they are mad for me not speaking to him because it hurts him. I just refuse to stress myself out over him, and make my kids suffer dealing with him. Just hearing about him stresses me out I still feel like I can't get away from his drama sometimes and sometimes I don't answer family members calls if I know they tend to talk about him a lot. I think in circumstances for your own mental well being cutting ties is the only way.