Welcome to SR. You say he has been sober for 19 years, so, IF that is true, then it isn't an alcoholic mind causing his abuse; and it is abuse. If he is in pain, he should see a doctor and find a way to alleviate it. He has no right to brow beat you over such silly things.
To be honest, he sounds like a control freak. I was married to one, once, and it was absolute hell. No one deserves to be screamed and yelled at and hung up on. I know it's sad when a relationship ends, but after some time apart, you might realize that the heaven sent gift was the break-up. You deserve better.