I'm not an alcoholic but was in a relationship with one that I have since ended. I was deeply affected by the lies, betrayals and the seemingly complete lack of awareness on his part of how his disease and behavior affected those of us who loved him. I still struggle to understand him and this disease so I come to this forum on occasion to try to gain some insight and possibly some compassion for him.
That being said, my XABF says he’s in recovery now. I have yet to receive any sort of amends from him and I have no expectations that I ever will. What I can say is IF l received a letter similar to pattenat’s from him, my only thought would be “He still just doesn’t get it.” With all due respect, the letter goes on and on about you pattenat and all the “reasons” why you drank. I read A LOT of you blaming circumstances and other people for the choices you made. I see only a single sentence expressing your regret.
As a person affected by another’s alcoholism I can tell you that all we want to here is that you “get” it. That you understand the pain you put us through and are taking responsibility for your choices. Yes, alcoholism is a disease, but it isn’t a get-out-of-jail free card as far as being accountable for bad behavior.
To the OP, I would suggest clearly and concisely outlining what you did to your Ex so she knows that you get it. Don’t blame or make excuses. If you don’t know how you might be able to right some of the wrongs, ask her if there is anything she feels you can do. Let her know you are serious about living a sober life and that you are putting at least as much effort into your recovery as you did into your drinking career.
JMO