Thread: amends_letter
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Old 02-23-2011, 01:43 PM
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pattenat
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Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Better place than where I came from
Posts: 549
Hey Kjell. I'll share an example of a letter I sent to my husbands kids and their partners :

Emma, Carl, Tim and Jodi -

Things have been wrong for so long I don’t know where to begin. I can tell you today, I am in recovery and am making steps to amends and taking steps for a brighter future for myself and my children. Today, this is where I’m at in life and need to take care of me.

My relationship with your father has been adulterated from the gate. I allowed myself to live in your father’s life as a shadow for a year before you even knew about me. My kids could never understand why they couldn’t meet you. So I lied and I drank.

When your father moved in on Carl and Johnny’s birthday that first year (a celebration for us), the kids knew what the situation was and we asked them to keep the truth from you and to be careful what they say, for you not to find out. There was no sense in everyone being hurt by our actions. So they lied and I drank.

The next several years I was faced with the reality that I made a choice in a partner that would never be trustworthy for me. The games and deceit we played in the onset would come to haunt me like no other experience in life. The worry, the pain, the fear and the frustration would become all consuming. So I drank.

Through many horrid arguments, both at complete fault, my children suffered the turmoil of the poisonous foundation our marriage was built. They suffered the hurt, insecurity and the uncertainty of what their future would bring and witnessed the selfishness of both your father and myself. And in self pity and self loathing, I drank.

I allowed individuals and people that "love" me to manipulate me and choked down their betrayals and selfishness. It was my own self loathing lack of self respect that tolerated these painful experiences. So I drank.

The longer time went on and the soul haunting feeling of my despair got deeper. My insecurity and vulnerability grew beyond management and the hatred and loss of self respect I endured became overwhelming. So I drank.

The unspeakable happened just after Christmas 2010, when I drank. I lost all control of my sanity and threw the fit of the most defiant child one could imagine, engaging everyone around me. Even those, never before witnessing such heartbreak. My rage was out of control and my children witness me at my finest hour (if you will). I had finally lost the battle with alcohol and prayed to God for help.

On New Year’s Eve 2010 I had a knock on my door from someone who would share some insight on a direction to follow. So I read, I signed up for some help and prayed to God for help.

I would drink once again after the vile December incident, January 18, 2011. And in excess, yet again, and woke to feel the same desperation and loss of hope I’ve come to know so well. And I prayed to God for help.

My name is Natalie and I am an alcoholic. I admit I am powerless over alcohol and my life has become unmanageable.

I have made several AA meetings now and know the direction I’m heading. I know the steps will lead me to my God and my soul's salvation. I am thinking more clearly than I have in years and more clarity is to come. It’s been quite some time since I’ve taken the bad from my life head on. I have a long road ahead of me to fight many demons. I’m beginning to learn to live one sober day at a time and experience the moment of now and do my best in that moment. I’m in great hopes that I will come to see HIS light and be able to forgive myself for so many wrongs and allow myself to turn over the things that need to be turned over. I’m in great hopes that HIS light will shine in my life once again.

I love you all with all of my heart and am so sorry for that dreadful night. My remorse is overwhelming at times. With a heavy heart and a great deal of heartbreak, I ask for your forgiveness that we may move forward on a positive path.

Please pray for me and my broken soul that needs healing. Please pray for me that I may come to know God and trust in his will. I’m having a hard time with this because of the past and I really need your prayers right now so that HE may hear you and I may be healed.

xoxoxoxoxo
Natalie

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
The courage to change the things I can,
And the wisdom to know the difference. AMEN


A couple of things to clarify. My husband and I had an affair (he was married, I was his 3rd affair) and my alcoholic brain told me this was the man I wanted to marry (can't help it LOL!!!!!!!!). We kept it a secret (from his family and kids) for a little over a year, of course my kids were privvy to it all as it happend right under their noses. For a year, he was living under my roof telling his kids he was living in a hotel during his seperation. And to this day my kids are afraid to talk about much of anything with his kids (even though his kids are considerably older) in fear of them saying something his kids didn't know. (oooh what a tangled web we weave!)

Also we hardly ever see his kids and there has only been two occasions where they have been "dragged" into the drunken drama (both drinking and both at fault) I still felt a need to make amends. I think it's important they know the truth. Which is something their father has a real problem with. They're probably actually thinking "Why is she telling us all of this?"

I have some major work to do on the amends I make with the people who have been directly effected by my alcoholism. Not that his kids have not been effected. A good majority of my amends will have to be made in person.

Last edited by pattenat; 02-23-2011 at 01:53 PM. Reason: addition
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