LifeBlows

I haven’t had a drink since Friday morning but I feel like I have a hangover. Actually when I woke up on Saturday I had the same feeling that I did when I drink after a I’ve been sober for a couple of days and then drank again. Now it feels like I have a headache about to come on all the time. I don’t know. It might be a tension headache because I am clenching my jaw so tight for some reason. I hope I’m feeling better by Friday. I miss drinking but I don’t want to drink anymore. I’m tired of it. Actually I suddenly started to hate the taste of beer and sherry which are currently my drinks of choice. I also don’t miss being horribly ashamed by having to come to the liquor store yet again. I hate looking at empty bottles at the end of the week when I have no money for gas but I still have to get to work. I always look at those bottles and think – What was I thinking? How could I have money for alcohol but no money for gas or food?!!! I hate looking at other people who are clearly alcoholics and wondering if that is the way I appear to other people. I hate wondering if the cashiers talk about the alkies that they see at the store. I always wonder what they really think of me. I hate having to worry about the risk of a DUI.
I still have that $8 in my account. It’s all the money I have in the world right now BUT I’ve held onto it since Friday which is a record for me. I also haven’t spent any money since Friday. When I don’t drink I become a real tightwad. Which is nice