briggspower

Ok so im new here. Over the past 3-4days ive been researching my but off, thinking of the pros and cons of each subutex and methadone. Ive been on subutex for over a year now. Before I was on subutex, I was abusing oxycontin and fentanyl(smoking it,snorting, some iv use). Right now my sub dose is at 16mg. It was at 24mg, then I managed to ween down to 12mg. I was deadset on weaning off bupe, but now I dont know why I feel differently. My older brother passed away a couple weeks ago. He was 28, im 21. It has really screwed me up. Now I dont have any drive to quit my sub maintenance. I actually have been craving opiates everyday all day. I feel like I need something different for maintenance. I also am expecting a baby in another month. I think with my baby boy on the way its making me more anxious.

A big reason why I dont want to continue with subutex is because subutex has to be taken sublingual, so I have to let the nasty pill dissolve under my tongue for 20-30 minutes(doc says 15 but I think 20-30 is better). This whole routine really messes alot of stuff up for me. If I have work at say 5am, then I have to wake up atleast an hour and a half to be able to do my medicine. That goes for anything I do. If I have school or a dr appointment, then I have to make time for me to do my routine. And after letting the pill dissolve, then I have to wait atleast a half hour before I can wash that disgusting taste out of my mouth. If I swallow any of it then it makes me nauseous. Also, I cant seem to do my medicine out in public, so I have to be home or alone in my car. And I always turn down doing fun stuff like going to a hockey game or something, just because it will interfere with my scheduled dose. I would love to just swallow my dose in the morning and not have to worry about when I can do my routine. I have to take my medicine atleast twice a day. When I go to school or work, by the end or middle of it, then I start to feel anxious and need my medicine again. If I was able to swallow subutex then that would make it a hell of alot easier. Im moving into my girlfriends home close to when the baby is born, and I really dont want to be doing my routine in front of her parents and others. I know that when I have to wake up in the middle of the night with the baby, that ill be feeling anxious and stuff and will feel like I need to do my routine. Some people might not agree with this as a good enough reason to switch, but its defnitley holding me back from taking more classes at school and finding a new job. I need another option, this just isnt cutting it anymore. This is what I think of constantly.

Also subutex isnt stopping my cravings anymore. I used to not even think about getting high. Now that is all I think about. Another huge reason I want to switch to methadone, is because subutex seems to give me headaches every single day.

I know alot of you will think my reasoning is off, and that it is all in my head. Well I agree it is probably in my head. But Im not a normal person. I cant just switch my mindset. I have struggled with anxiety my whole life, and if I feel like im going to be anxious about something then I just shut myself down. I have to live around my subutex.

Ive been a very good subutex patient. I have never screwed up for my doc before. In the beginning of treatment I dabbled here and there, but for the most part ive been a model patient. I will admit that when my brother died I relapsed for a few days. Im upset that I relapsed, but I cant go back and change what I did. I think methadone will be better for me. I can just go to the clinic and swallow my medicine once a day. I wont have to worry about skipping class, not working, avoiding friends, avoiding sporting events and other social events so im able to do my medication. I know I wont break any rules at the clinic. So eventually I should be able to earn take homes. There is a clinic ten minutes away, but the guy never called me back like he said. There is also a month wait to get in the clinic. So now im just searching and evaluating my options. Im going to express my concern with my sub doctor my next appointment. I am kind of close with my sub doctor, we really get along well and are pretty good friends. So Im going to be sad to leave him. Maybe he will be able to prescribe me methadone but I highly doubt it. I dont want to put his job at jeopardy.

Please dont attack me. I plan on eventually weening off whatever im on. But right now if I did so then I know I will end up back on the street doing drugs. Please give me some opinions on if you think methadone will be good for me and my situation. And if anyone here has ever switched from subs to done, how did it go for you? Thanks guys. This forum is pretty cool im happy I found it