I'm new here as well and just started to try to scrape 20+ years or booze and bong resin out of my brain. It ain't easy but now and then you get that moment of clarity that gives you a little taste of how nice having a clear head can be. All I can tell you is keep trying and if you fall down get back up again dust yourself off and start over. The folks here are very supportive and I've found that talking about it and venting helps. Stick around.