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Old 01-06-2011, 08:32 PM
  # 17 (permalink)  
Lando
Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 9
Notaloser, I'm also in my first month of sobriety, 27 days. The part about the "developmental timewarp" in the article Nyte Byrd posted seems to be true for a good share of us. I started using drugs when I was in my teens and started drinking in my early 20's. That makes me about 15 yrs old emotionally I think.
One of my biggest complaints, yes complaint - an emotional thing, is that I now get to feel EVERY F'ING thing there is. Physical and emotional. So, here I sit dealing with emotions I've tried drowning in a bottle for the past 25 plus yrs. Not fun being 15 yrs old in a 48 yr old body. But the alternative, drinking or using, is no longer an option. I don't want to die and I don't want to cause the people I love and respect any more of the bad emotions they had to endure because of my drinking.
I think I can even begin to enjoy these feelings,good and bad, at some point. I do feel more alive now than I ever have in my life. I also feel I can handle them because I have support from my SO, my sponsor and my family. I don't have to be afraid or too stubborn to ask for help when I can't deal with the feelings. I do have to say that it would be nice if they got in line and stopped bombarding me all at once. But it's life and this is happening because I have a lot of crap to clean up after myself because of drinking.
Someone at a meeting told me that the feeling I'm having right now at this very moment is temporary. If I can learn to deal with that feeling and all the others that come after it, my sobriety can be forever.
I guess all I can offer is that I'm in the same rocky, emotional boat that you are. You are not alone and I'm very sure there are lots more of us in that same boat.
Stay strong.
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