Yes, I am a bad fish too.
I took Humblejack's advice and told my husband what I have done. He is now on my side and will stand with me and pull me up off of this reef and set me free from this poison drug.
It would be different if using oxycodone actually was a manageable drug. It really did make me feel good and normal and high functional. But the "high" part is the catch. After a short time, the same amount of drug does not make you feel as good or as normal or as functional. You keep taking higher doses to get there. Then, before you know it, you start having side effects from the drug that are not so nice. I was getting irritable bowel from the oxy's. If I went anywhere, I had to make sure I had my drug with me, so if I started to feel myself coming down, I could just take another.
I really see it now. At first, I couldn't understand how some people have gotten up to over 240 mg a day of oxy, and some much higher. I really see it now. I could get there. I must never go there again.
In 2007, a friend and co-worker went home one night and had an argument with her son. She took just a "little" extra opiate that night -- she "deserved" it -- and she was found dead in her bed the next morning by her son, who was only 15 at the time. Why didn't I think about that when I was taking my oxy's? Because I didn't believe it could happen to me, not to me, because I "knew what I was doing"? What? Anyone who thinks that is deluded by the drug.
Hang in there people. I am only on day 3 off oxys and I am really struggling. Help me too. Somebody, anybody, tell me NOT TO GO SEEK MORE OXY!