Goldengirl,
I hear you. I so relate. It's hard when we finally realize that the one we want(ed) to spend the rest of our lives with chooses alcohol over us (and our children). I suppose if we accept the premise that for alcoholics/addicts (once they are in the throws of their addiction), they aren't really in control (unless and until they can first admit and then second start to take actions to change).
For now, keep taking care of yourself. Read and post on this forum. Find yourself a positive support system. If and when the time comes for your husband to take the step to get well & to choose recovery, he may one day be able to choose you over alcohol. You may or may not be there if or when he is able to choose you.
After 14 years with my AH, I realized he was choosing alcohol and pot over me and our daughter. I kept hoping and hoping that my love was more rewarding and more meaningful (than alcohol & pot), and that he would stop. He didn't and I left. Eventually my husband went into recovery. Now, he must choose recovery before me and our daughter.
I remember how much it hurt, Goldengirl when I finally accepted that I can not *make* my husband choose me over alcohol. And that his choice was alcohol over me. I was crushed. Your husband can't choose you right now because of his addiction. I hope and pray for you that *you* will choose you. Thank you for posting.
Sending