NYCDoglvr, I agree that our daily living can lead us to just think about our negatives. Sometimes we just need to take some time to take an inventory of all our negatives and compare it against our blessings. It can be difficult at times to see God's loving hand, but if we just open our eyes we can see the majesty of the Lord. When we take the time we can see our Heavenly Father's hand every where ...the heavens, the planets, the stars, the limitless universe give only a partial view of how very great God really is.
When we are at one of our lowest point in life we need to do this. A lot of people today question the presence of God. On May 16, 1995 my 23 year old daughter completed suicide. I was very anger at God and wondered why He had abandoned me. I was so comsumed with grief I didn't allow Him to show me His love. I came to realize it was me that had left God, God was still there, waiting for me with His arms spread open to come back home.
I have realized my problems weren't helping me to recuberate. I have so much anger and resentment to work through with my therapist. I want to concentrate on myself, at least for the moment. It just wouldn't be a good time right now to begin marriage or family therapy. My therapist agrees with me that I need to have this counseling just for myself. I, also, trust him that when and if it's time, to include my DDH or family in my counseling he will let me know.
My therapist has made me aware that I am a codependent and am as addicted to my husband as he is addicted to alcohol. After 39 years of marriage I know my DDH has a lot of baggage to work through. He is, also, my son's father and my grandson's grandfather.
I have taken an inventory of my life and how I managed to get into this situation. I now am able to see where I became my husband's crutch and never really made him to account for his responsibilites and life. He was the only person who could work the 12 steps for himself. I just wish my eyes could have been opened a lot sooner in my life. However, I still plan on going into my senior years based upon the "Golden Girls".