Phoenix ... I'm so sorry to read about the devastating stroke and all the marital problems. Most of all I'm sorry that you're so hurt and angry. One thing that helped me when I was newly sober and in a lot of pain was taking a pad of paper and writing a gratitude list. Jotting down small things I had that were good. It took the focus off the misery I felt a bit. I imagine you learned about emotional abuse from your husband. You are so right, it's as subtle as a knife in the gut. But remember, you are helping others here who may not realize they're the victim of this insidious torture.
God Bless....