Wittss, I suffered a life changing massive stroke in DEC 2009. There is a big crunk of time missing from my memory. I don't remember having the stroke. By the time my dry drunk husband got me to the hospital, my organs were starting to fail. From DEC 23rd until JAN 8th I suffered from vascular dementia, and almost died. Once vascular dementia develops, there are no drugs currently approved by the FDA to treat it. My doctors had no scientific explanation why this miracle happened. The only explanation is By the Grace of God! I am just glad to be alive and I feel like I want to shout it from the rooftops!
I feel like I'm someone who "Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest". I have so many mixed feelings. On one side, I'm so glad to be alive, and yet, When I came back into reality I was filled with so much anger and rage from my 39 year marriage with my husband. For the majority of our marriage he actively drank over more than half a gallon of rum each and every night. When he finally quit he went cold turkey without working all the steps in AA. As a result he is now a dry drunk,still possessing all the traits he had while he was an active alcoholic. Our marriage was always about him! His common reponse to decisions we needed to make was "What about me (him)!" It has taken me some time, also, to realize that I was being psychologically abused by him.
I should have been discharged to a skilled nursing facility. I have suffered immobility problems and can not move around very easy without my power chair. When I came home the only member of my family I could rely upon was my 35 year old son. I received more care and compassion from my three border collies than I did from my husband. I begged him on several occasions to take time off from work to help me. He refused! I later found out he had over four weeks of use or lose (excess time) on his timecard. Forget about the marriage vows "in sickness and in health." My DDH just wasn't there for me!
Fast forward to now! My relationship with my DDH has not improved. In fact, it has deteriorated. If it hadn't been for my 35 year old son becoming my caregiver, I don't know how I would have made it!
I now know that I can't trust him to rely upon for taking care of me. I've done some soul searching and realize I can not become his caregiver. My husband has never listened to me during our marriage, and in order for me to become the caregiver, and him as the patient, he would have to listen to me!
I needed time to recuberate and heal from my massive stroke. I found SR was a good support system for me, and I am in individual therapy. I'm starting to feel healthier and stronger, both physically and emotionally, and with God's help I will be able to start a new life for me!
God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference.
Living one day at a time; Enjoying one moment at a time; Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace; Taking, as He did, this sinful world as it is, not as I would have it; Trusting that He will make all things right if I surrender to His Will; That I may be reasonably happy in this life and supremely happy with Him Forever in the next.
Wittss feel free to PM me any time just for venting if you want!