You wrote "Now that it's all over, in hindsight I think he was throwing me under the bus a lot and blaming me for his problems to his friends which could further explain why it seemed like they never really liked me. (on top of being that we were just different kinds of people) Has anyone else been through this? How do you get over it?"
I really cannot help you get through this or give you advice on how to get over it. However, I have been through something very similar. It happened during my dating and subsequent marriage to my alcoholic husband. I look back at this period of time and just wish I had the knowledge and wisedom that only maturing to be 58 years old can give a person.
My AH's best friend was an abusive alcoholic to both his wife and to his newborn and his three year old son. I saw his wife with too many black eyes and broken ribs, his three year old son standing too close to a gas grill, and the newborn given Tabasco sauce and, evidentally, thrown against a wall. I witnessed these things and remained silent because of the "code of friendship". Finally the last straw that broke this unhealthy friendship came when this alcoholic friend started beating his wife up in my house. My AH's father was visiting with us from out of state.
You wrote "He has a little clique of friends - two other couples that are also heavy drinkers. One couple smokes a lot of pot regularly on top of drinking. The other couple has recently started having children. Although they have a 2-year-old, they continue to want to get drunk every weekend (with us when I was dating him) and the wife was pregnant and drinking wine EVERY day. And she was talking a lot about how she couldn't wait to get back to drinking once the baby was born. (drinking to get drunk she meant I think.)"
Only you have the power to realize these friends are not healthy individuals. Only you can realize the dangers for the children of these "parents".
You wrote "I'm working a lot on myself now and trying to stay away from that kind of lifestyle and find new interests and friends." May you have the hindsight to know where you've been, The foresight to know where you are going, And the insight to know when you have gone too far.
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