Old 11-07-2010, 02:18 PM
  # 1 (permalink)  
goldengirl3
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Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Florida
Posts: 375
When the alcoholic blames you for all his problems

I recently left my boyfriend of over 4.5 years. He was a hardcore alcoholic who was progressively getting worse during our relationship. He had been married for 15 years and his wife left him angrily the day before valentine's day - his drinking being one of many factors for her leaving.

He has a little clique of friends - two other couples that are also heavy drinkers. One couple smokes a lot of pot regularly on top of drinking. The other couple has recently started having children. Although they have a 2-year-old, they continue to want to get drunk every weekend (with us when I was dating him) and the wife was pregnant and drinking wine EVERY day. And she was talking a lot about how she couldn't wait to get back to drinking once the baby was born. (drinking to get drunk she meant I think.)

From the beginning his little clique never really liked me. My personality tends to be more upbeat, postitive, etc. They always seemed so negative and drama-ridden to me. He only told me this last year, that "the friends" was another factor in his ex-wife leaving. That should be comforting to me that his friends not liking me shouldn't matter, but it's not.

In our relationship, I got the impression that the friends blamed me for a lot/most of our problems. If my bf was unhappy and drunk, that was my fault. Little did they know how abusive he was to me behind closed doors. During this time I drank a lot myself and I got sober and decided to get out. I'm working a lot on myself now and trying to stay away from that kind of lifestyle and find new interests and friends.

But what bothers me and hurts, is that my ex has always blamed me for a ton of his problems that were HIS problems or things that HE caused. Such as this year he started having money troubles and was trying to blame his money issues on me. Little does anyone know that he had been admittedly manipulating me for money to help him cover his expenses and had been screaming at me to bring him my bank statements. He would manipulate me into picking up 100 dollar dinner/drink checks while he would take out guy friends for drinks and pick up their check. He would pick fights with me constantly and even if I didn't react and just stared ahead, he would mouth off to me and tell me he was "soooo tired of fighting with me." He would call me lots of derogatory names used for females and "fat" when I'm a size 2. Let's just say there was tons of emotional abuse. He was ultra controlling. I had no say in our plans together, I couldn't even watch a tv show. He would also dictate what we ate every night and where we ate - even if I was buying!

Now that it's all over, in hindsight I think he was throwing me under the bus a lot and blaming me for his problems to his friends which could further explain why it seemed like they never really liked me. (on top of being that we were just different kinds of people) Has anyone else been through this? How do you get over it?

It shouldn't matter what these people think. I'm not friends with them now and I don't have to see them or anything and they are just drunk all the time - I shouldn't care what they think. But it really hurts.

Has anyone else ever been through this and could share how they felt better about it?
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