Thanks for all your thought provoking replies. I guess I'm still stumped with this, and maybe it will improve with more time.
Don't get me wrong, I am grateful to be in recovery today, and even grateful not to be hungover, but when you throw in the alcoholic part, well, I still think I'd have to flip my lid to be grateful for that. When I think of alcohol today, I just remember that huge dark cloud that I lived under for decades, it seemed to depress, repress and trap me, it makes my skin crawl just to think about it, or worse, ever going back to it. It's the worst damn thing I've ever experienced and it lasted so long I didn't even know it could go away. Today, that dark cloud has lifted or at least moved off my horizon, and I feel grateful for that. But, being human, my mind still goes to what if, what if all those years weren't damaged by booze, well, damn, it makes me mad again.
Oh well, I'm grateful today to be where I am today, but......
Guess I still have tons of work to do.
Thanks again