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antreeta · 07-14-2004, 01:29 PM

I have been not reading these boards for a while and not attending my OA for several months now and I am binging on and off, but I have lost around 10 pounds. Go figure.
I am tired of trying to work the program and worrying about what I eat. I want what my I want. My inner child is so selfish. Throws tantrums.
But anyway, I still been going to Al Anon, seeing a counselor. My family doctor thinks I might be bipolar, I think he is wrong. I am going to get a second opinion.
I try the low carb diet and I get so depressed, like my life is over and I can eat any piece of high carb food, healthy or not and the birds start singing, the sun shines and the flowers bloom. That is exactly how it feels when I take my first bite of bread, fruit, milk or candy. But my physical body does very well on low carb, plus I am diabetic and it really keeps my blood sugar under control without the high spikes, but the depression is sooooooo hopeless. I don't even want to eat.
Food turns nasty and I feel like I am being forced to eat like a little child having to eat brussel sprouts or something.
But on the other hand, I have been living with chaos all around me. My 17 yo son was depressed and he was cutting on himself. Talk about being in shock. At the same time, my husband was having panic attacks and couldn't hardly leave the house and was missing work and scared to drive. They are both doing better now.
I feel so anxious and nervous and right now, food helps that go away. I am on meds but the food seems to work best. I am really an addict to food. How much is hormones, mental, or chemical imbalance. I just turned 40.
Who knows?
To top it off, this is so ironic, I just had a slim fast binge. LOL
I am a mess and I really need to let my higher power work on my food and family so I can relax.
Thanks for listening.

07-14-2004, 01:29 PM	#1 (permalink)
antreeta Member Join Date: Oct 2002 Location: missouri Posts: 95	I have been awol I have been not reading these boards for a while and not attending my OA for several months now and I am binging on and off, but I have lost around 10 pounds. Go figure. I am tired of trying to work the program and worrying about what I eat. I want what my I want. My inner child is so selfish. Throws tantrums. But anyway, I still been going to Al Anon, seeing a counselor. My family doctor thinks I might be bipolar, I think he is wrong. I am going to get a second opinion. I try the low carb diet and I get so depressed, like my life is over and I can eat any piece of high carb food, healthy or not and the birds start singing, the sun shines and the flowers bloom. That is exactly how it feels when I take my first bite of bread, fruit, milk or candy. But my physical body does very well on low carb, plus I am diabetic and it really keeps my blood sugar under control without the high spikes, but the depression is sooooooo hopeless. I don't even want to eat. Food turns nasty and I feel like I am being forced to eat like a little child having to eat brussel sprouts or something. But on the other hand, I have been living with chaos all around me. My 17 yo son was depressed and he was cutting on himself. Talk about being in shock. At the same time, my husband was having panic attacks and couldn't hardly leave the house and was missing work and scared to drive. They are both doing better now. I feel so anxious and nervous and right now, food helps that go away. I am on meds but the food seems to work best. I am really an addict to food. How much is hormones, mental, or chemical imbalance. I just turned 40. Who knows? To top it off, this is so ironic, I just had a slim fast binge. LOL I am a mess and I really need to let my higher power work on my food and family so I can relax. Thanks for listening.