Snick
I just finished a long message to you, tried to put a smillie in and lost it all. So here is a shorter version of what I tried to say.
I don't agree. Not all couples BOTH have to go to recovery in order to have a marriage. I know lots of couples that have one spouse in AA and the other not and they seem to have good relationships. There is such a thing an an idyllic life. You both have to work at it. As far as I am concerned As have selfish tendencies and have to be reminded from time to time. I went to an Alanon meeting on Friday Snick (and yes they do help some) and here is what I got out of it. A quote "They will continue doing it as long as WE let them" and the other thing that really stuck in my head was It is my life and that is the only thing I have control over. I guess it has made me think, yes he spends a lot of time with AA and meetings but I have to do things for me that I have put on the back burner that I stopped going to because 1. he came but usually made an ass of himself or maybe he didn't but I always worried he would. And 2. AA and his recovery always comes 1st because without it there would be no US. Then on Saturday he worked for another A to pay back some counselling time. Was supposed to be done in the am so I decided I'll just wait and we can do something in the afternoon. NOT. He finished around 8:30 pm. So if I had of listened to what I did learn and decided to live my life and plan something different I would not have spent the day waiting around. I guess what I am trying to say is that we have to stop waiting around while they go to meetings and just start doing things on our own. It does not have to be Alanon, if that is not for you, just start living your life. Think about all the things you have on that back burner and start bringing them to the front. I think it is hard for us because we know how important AA is and we don't want that other life back. But some part of us enjoyed the fun we had in that other life. I talked to my AH about Saturday and waiting around and he says why didn't you call one of your friends and do something. It is because Ideally he is my best friend and he is the person I wanted to do it with. But if he is not going to be there then I have to start going with my other friends and family and doing the things that I want. Hope this makes sense. Get out there and plan things. Maybe he'll find more time too when he realizes that you are having fun and not just being THERE FOR HIM. Good luck.
ChillGal