i have had recent problems with marijuana also. i didnt smoke for almost 6 months, then during a recent stressful time in my life, i met a dealer. it can so easy to get a hold of that stuff (at times), and once i did, i was smoking twice a day. every day i woke up, told myself that i wasnt going to smoke and was going to ride my bike. then, by noon, i decided to just smoke a little. eventually i burned through my eighth in 5 days, then bough another. and another. and literally my life stopped.
granted, its summer for me, so i dont have school to occupy myself, making it harder to keep away from it. i knew there was a possibility i could be drug tested at the beginning of the semester, and i knew if i kept on smoking i would come up positive and possibly lose everything i had worked for for the last 3 years. yet, i still kept on smoking.
eventually, i realized it had been almost 3 weeks, i had gone from riding my bike almost daily to never riding it, and i couldnt remember most of what had happened. the worst part was, after i realized that i had smoked wayyy too much, i COULDNT stop. when i got low on my last eighth, i smoked almost 4 bowls in one sitting, just to get rid of it! i was so happy once i was done, it felt like a huge weight being lifted off of me. i havent bought any since, but i has been seriously tempting. i have stomach and intestinal problems, and marijuana was the only thing that ever really helped them.
while there are lots of times that i wish i could smoke, just a little, again, i know that i need to stay away from it. will marijuana kill you? probably not. can it make performing the most basic daily activities (showering, shopping for food, etc) difficult? ABSOLUTELY. and there in lies the damage the marijuana can cause. i feel your pain and i understand how difficult kicking marijuana can be. my best advice: seek professional help. find a psychologist who specializes in substance abuse, if possible. they will be extremely helpful! best of luck to you!