For me, the thing I can relate to is the obsession with getting and using and the thought of not having drove me absolutely crazy. I couldn't think of anything else. So many times I tried to stop on my own - saying to myself - I can do this! But every single time I found myself right back where I was to begin with. I too isolated myself to be comfortably high by myself and then wondered why people stopped inviting me places. It's amazing the similarities, I mean. I wanted to stop SO bad. For years I repeated the same thing over and over....telling myself I can do this....and then completely failing at doing it.
It wasn't until I was basically forced to get help that I was able to actually quit. Today I have 87 days without using any mind-altering substances - including alcohol! I am still amazed that I have gotten this far and the obsession has eased tremendously. I no longer feel like I need anything to get through my day....except a meeting. What helped me the MOST was going to a meeting (usually NA, but AA as well) when I felt that the obsession (anxiety) was overwhelming. I'm still learning to isolate myself less, but simply attending meetings, sometimes 3-4 in one day helped me get to where I am today.
Hang in there Rock. Whether you connect here or in a meeting, reaching out and talking and listening really does wonders. It also helps to read some of the literature out there. I prefer the NA basic text.
Please keep coming back here.