Rocktavius

Let me preface this by saying, my mind is racing and thus I'm not sure how much sense this post will make.

I've been smoking weed daily for the better part of 13 years, having accomplished virtually everything I've set out to do up to this point. It's because of that fact that I couldn't possbily believe I was truly addicted, especially to pot. Pot's not addictive, right?

Wrong.

I work very hard and have been very fortunate in what I've accomplished professionally so far. I'm also the personality type that puts people at ease. People enjoy being around me and I have no problem carrying on conversations with anyone about anything. That said, I rarely go anywhere because after a long day of work, all I want to do is go home and get stoned. I cancel plans and dates because I'd rather not HAVE to be social, but instead be stoned at home by myself. I exclude myself from everything and then resent people for eventually not asking me to join them anymore.

And it's all because I can't think of anything else other than being home and smoking weed. It's what drives my day, sadly.

A long time ago I didn't see that as a problem, although as I hit my middle twenties, I dd sometimes wonder if I'd quit smoking weed before age 30 because I wasn't as social as I once was.

And so here I am, unable to be social at 31 because I only want to be at home and high. But it's worse when I don't have any...like right now.

Quite frankly, I'm sick and tired of having panic attacks and terrible waves of stress when I don't have any to smoke. It rarely happens that I don't have any, but today is definitely one of those days, and I dont know what to do with myself. The best time to quit is right now, but I don't even know where to start.

I'm also tired of being alone and not allowing myself a social life. I haven't had any sort of meaningful relationship in years, all because it's just easier to be high.

I guess I post this here because I'm so worn down after 13 years of daily, non-stop smoking. I know it's just weed, and someone who has conqured a heroin or alcohol addiction might think I'm just weak. To which I say, you're damn right I am. That's why I'm here.

The thing is, it takes me a couple or three weeks to get used to not having any. During those "quit" weeks I'm very difficult to be around to most people. In general I'm an angry man anyway, so it's just amplified and it never ends well. I intentionally burn a bridge over something stupid, say something I shouldn't to my boss, completely disconnect from the outside world for a few days, and more. I really can't afford to compromise what I've worked so hard for.

I'm at a very low point emotionally and mentally, which honestly only makes me want to be higher and more often. So to be without right now almost makes life feel like it's just too stressful to deal with.

Am I alone when it comes to this sort of marijuana addiction? Can anyone relate to these feelings of utter despair and anxiety over something as simple as not having pot? What did you do? How did you deal with it? I want to quit but whenever I try to, I can think of NOTHING else. Even if I'm out of my apartment, I still am thinking to myself how horrible it will be when I get home and have nothing to smoke. This has to end.

What should I do???