ChillGal

Hi Snick
I felt the same way as you do. Sometimes I still do. I went to alanon meetings and still try to make one a week. I find that I cannot relate to most as they have people in their lives who are still drinking. My AH started AA just a little over 3 years ago and I was getting fed up with being left behind even though I know how important it is that he continue the program. I find my AH can be very selfish at times. I think he got used to me focusing on him doing everything to support his not drinking that it became the most important thing to me also. In doing that I think I (we)just forgot how to be US. I know he needs the program but he was also sponsoring about 4 people and spending more time with them than his family. We talked about this and he has found that he can be just as good a sponsor by phone as he can in person. He still attends about 3 meetings a week, puts on a detox meeting once a month and has his sponsees plus the phone line. I still try to go to one Alanon meeting a week and I still don't relate to most but I am listening and reading. Maybe we should start an alanon group for people who no longer have alcohol in their lives? I am sure there are many more of us out there that get the same feelings that just don't go back. I think "what if he started drinking again and I needed support" It would be harder to go then so I just keep plugging away and hoping to "GET IT" some day. We (my AH and I) went to an AA roundup a couple of weeks ago. We actually combined it with our 18th anniversary. I was really not too pleased about that!!! I tried hard not to let it show. Guess what? It seemed that I was enjoying the Alanon meetings and he wanted to take off to spend more time together. I think the weekend alone did more for us than anything. It made us both aware of each other. I guess the same as your day together jet skiing. His counsellor suggested we get this book on relationships, It's the one "Men and Women and Relationships" written by the same fellow that wrote "Men are from Mars - Women are from Venus" and that we each have our own copy. There are a lot of eyeopeners in it. A lot of crap too but it is mostly the fact that we are both reading our own copy and talking about it. It has helped. Keep talking and trying to spend time together. Many ups and downs to create the balance. Hang in there.