hi,
i didn't read your definitions, but here are my thoughts on what happened.
My dad is verbally abusive to me and feels justified since he is my father and I am a relection (in his mind) on him. It is about him, not me.
Your people being nasty and feeling justified because they are "right" are really telling you soemthing about them. Their thought, feelings and insecurities.
Rather than engage people doing this to me, I stand back. Don't play into it. Let them think what thye want. If it is too much then I walk away for a moment or longer depending on the situation.