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kleengal · 06-30-2004, 09:36 PM

So I went to a 12 step meeting for the first time in several months. Actually I haven't been going to meetings regularly for at least 5 years. By the grace of God, I'll acknowledge 7 years clean in November.

Anyway, my real motive for going to the meeting was to escape the pain of a relationship that has gone pretty sour. I still love the jerk... (familiar sounding story, huh?) I suspect but can't be sure that he has cheated on me. Just being suspicious drives me nuts. Of course, he totally denies doing anything wrong.

My bf is pretty low key and up until a few weeks ago had been pretty wonderful. We've been together about a year and a half. He's always home or at work. He always answers my calls. We spend every weekend together. So when things started happening out of the ordinary... like him telling me he was going out with his buddies on a Friday night, but being vague about WHO he was going to be with... I started getting suspicious. There were a couple other signs that I don't want to spend time going into right now.

So yesterday I acted out. I headed to his house, uninvited. When I was almost there I called him. We had been fighting so he was still upset and said he didn't want me to come over. Boy did that hurt. I turned my car around. But I called him back, we argued some more, we hung up and he turned on his answering machine. I left some very ugly messages on his voicemail. I was angry! He has also said a couple of ugly things to me in the past when he was mad, but I forgave him.

You guys don't know me, but please believe me... ranting and raving is very out of character for me. I am not a suspicious and jealous woman unless someone gives me reason to be. We spoke today, but the bottom line is, I guess we have broken up. I need to let him go, but I don't want to. I want him and love him anyway. There's more to our story, but it's too long.

So I went to the meeting hoping to get some relief and 90 minutes of NOT thinking about my relationship. It actually felt pretty good to be in a meeting, and I did get a little help after the meeting from an old-timer who gave me the number of a woman who has about 20 years and who he said is going through similar relationship troubles. I guess I'll call her. I also plan to go to more meetings all the rest of this week.

Anyway, I just wanted to vent a bit. Thanks for listening. And this looks like a great recovery site.

06-30-2004, 09:36 PM	#1 (permalink)
kleengal Paused Join Date: Jun 2004 Location: maryland Posts: 4	I'm in pain... So I went to a 12 step meeting for the first time in several months. Actually I haven't been going to meetings regularly for at least 5 years. By the grace of God, I'll acknowledge 7 years clean in November. Anyway, my real motive for going to the meeting was to escape the pain of a relationship that has gone pretty sour. I still love the jerk... (familiar sounding story, huh?) I suspect but can't be sure that he has cheated on me. Just being suspicious drives me nuts. Of course, he totally denies doing anything wrong. My bf is pretty low key and up until a few weeks ago had been pretty wonderful. We've been together about a year and a half. He's always home or at work. He always answers my calls. We spend every weekend together. So when things started happening out of the ordinary... like him telling me he was going out with his buddies on a Friday night, but being vague about WHO he was going to be with... I started getting suspicious. There were a couple other signs that I don't want to spend time going into right now. So yesterday I acted out. I headed to his house, uninvited. When I was almost there I called him. We had been fighting so he was still upset and said he didn't want me to come over. Boy did that hurt. I turned my car around. But I called him back, we argued some more, we hung up and he turned on his answering machine. I left some very ugly messages on his voicemail. I was angry! He has also said a couple of ugly things to me in the past when he was mad, but I forgave him. You guys don't know me, but please believe me... ranting and raving is very out of character for me. I am not a suspicious and jealous woman unless someone gives me reason to be. We spoke today, but the bottom line is, I guess we have broken up. I need to let him go, but I don't want to. I want him and love him anyway. There's more to our story, but it's too long. So I went to the meeting hoping to get some relief and 90 minutes of NOT thinking about my relationship. It actually felt pretty good to be in a meeting, and I did get a little help after the meeting from an old-timer who gave me the number of a woman who has about 20 years and who he said is going through similar relationship troubles. I guess I'll call her. I also plan to go to more meetings all the rest of this week. Anyway, I just wanted to vent a bit. Thanks for listening. And this looks like a great recovery site.