Lea, I could have written your post myself as it is dead on exactly how my 1st marriage was. I am a recovering alcholic but went into that disaster sober. OMG.....it was just like yours - completely abusive. My ex wasn't a "alcoholic" even though I think he was. When he drank (which in the beginning was frequent and excessive) he would always become jealous, arrogant and just nasty.
I was intelligent, attractive, etc. and things completely took a turn for the worse when I was laid off. I was receiving unemployment and everyday he made my life miserable. He said I was worthless, nobody liked me and that I was nothing without him. I became so upset and depressed that I started boozing to cope. I should have sought counseling and left his a$$ then but I had never been treated so badly before. I was shocked I guess and beyond depressed. He tried to alienate me from all friends/family .....by making up lies so he could control me.
Yeah, he was a control freak. When I worked and brought in good money (he made bucco bucks btw).....I was the one to cook, clean and everything.
I would serve him dinner in front of his beloved sports center and then clean up after. He would come in from work, not walk the dog (that was his agreed upon time) and sit and change whatever I was watching to his programming. He didn't give a crap about me.
Eventually he began to have some violent outbursts (never hit me but came close to it) One day he through the laundry basket with folded clothes down and almost hit me from the balcony because he didn't have clean underwear. That was also my job to inspect his clothes and to know what he needed.
The whole situation was FUBAR and I retreated in a dark world of depression. I just didn't care.
What saved me? DIVORCE. The minute we were over......I rose up and took charge of my life and started all over without that abusive person in my life.
So you also know....he came from two alcoholic parents who boozed daily. His father was a nasty drunk (God...he was awful) and his mom was a depressed, crying drunk. They lived together like separate people but to him that was marriage. He controlled her and she was like the old man's slave. Sad the whole thing. Not sure if there is a connection but he, his father and his brother all have massive anger and always need to be the controller and never are wrong about anything.
Suggestion - Dump this clown before you go down a painful road. He will treat you worse and worse as time goes on and if he has a drinking problem to boot then you should be running for the hills.
There is not happy ending to this story in my opinion except for you to see now what he is and to get out before you are knee deep into it.
Huggs