Hi LeaA,
How can a smart women deal with emotional abuse?
Very easily. It is amazing isn't it.
The thing about emotional abuse, is it comes in many forms, but it is generally covert and done over a period of time. It is meant to make you question yourself. That is how so many incredibly smart women end up dealing with it.
I am not an expert on a full fledged life with an alcoholic, nor did I grow up with alcoholic parents, but there are many others here who can offer great insight about that. What I do understand is the manipulation that goes into emotional abusive behavior.
I can tell you I consider myself fairly intelligent, I am studying Psychology and will eventually get a masters and probably a doctorate. I will be in school for the rest of my life!
But even knowing what I know, even being able to pinpoint when I was being emotional abused, there was still a part of my mind that developed a haze about it. I questioned reality....and that is often the intention.
It became unfathomable to me that someone who I felt so close to, who i trusted, who I loved, who I would have done anything for would actually do and say things that he would know would be hurtful to me. So we tend to think about the reasons why we love our A's and then it just doesn't make sense that they could be so cruel. It wears us down. That's what happens.
It is actually quite easy to get sucked in to an emotional roller coaster. The charm, the good guy is poured on very thick in the beginning....this is the man who we ultimately come to know.
We come to know the guy who has had such a difficult life, who seems so sensitive that we want to take care of him.
Emotional abuses are experts in deceit, they become experts in what tactics work to keep us coming back.
If it's a teary apology that get's you to come back after he's called you a ***** or ****, then that's what he will do. How could that not be sincere we think? And the cycle continues.
And if you stand up for yourself, he will raise the stakes in his anger, the line that he can cross to be cruel can be impossible to believe.
You said that moving away is not an option for financial reasons? Well, chances are he knows that. Emotional abusers are also experts in isolating people so that they may not have the option to leave....or rather they feel they don't have the option to leave.
Now, I don't know your entire history, and of course, this is just a general over view of emotional abusers.
There is really only one person who can stop the cycle and that is you. Do not feel that you dealing with this is a sign of your intelligence, it is something that when done correctly can make anyone question their own sanity.
You are not alone....and I would say to trust what you know is the truth. The truth is the truth and nothing can change that. Don't let anyone make you question yourself.
HUGS!