I relate. Sometimes it is horrifying to think about. I'm glad you are feeling better now. I was a "happy" drunk 9/10, but the other 1/10 . . . well, it shames me to think of the things I did under the influence. Once I tried to use a cigarette to put burn marks on a boyfriend's valuable possession. Slapped several men, too. Smashed bottles against walls. Alienated friends and made them cry. Made family members cry, too, by being cruel and saying things I should not have. As painful as it is to remember these things, it's for the best not to forget. Thank you for your post.