Old 04-21-2010, 06:56 AM
  # 5 (permalink)  
flagulfcoast
Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: St. Petersburg, FL
Posts: 3
Thanks once again for the feedback! I am working towards day 6 and day 5 is almost done! I am still FREEZING around the clock and I think that's one of the worst symptoms I'm having at the moment. Not to mention the feeling of my nerves being electrocuted off and on. Insomnia is still occuring with me. The night before last, I slept from 12am-4am and again from 12:30pm-3:30pm, so I finally had a decent amount of rest. I got 3 hours last night and woke up covered in sweat, despite the room I was sleeping in was around 65 degrees. I was so cold, but sweating so bad. However, I do feel better today than yesterday, so that's good.
In replying to Stagebear: I have mentioned my wanting to quit pain meds to my urologist a few months ago and he said that I should wait until the surgery is complete because I'll have to take pain meds afterwards anyway. That is what really tortures my mind. He had a clever way of convincing me that I don't have a problem and that in time I can stop the meds. I know that when I talk to my doctors about this, they will not support my decision. If I go into the doctors office at this point in my recovery, if they even merely mention pain meds and that they can refill my script, I will easily give in and relapse. That's why I decided to get a thousand miles away from those doctors. When I feel good enough to consider myself recovered from these pills, then I will go back to the doctors and move forward. When that day comes that I get surgery and they put me on pain meds, I will not have the ability to continue them for a prolonged time because my condition will be fixed at that point. I just hope that if it's even 6 months from now and I'm required to take just 2 weeks worth of pain pills that I won't have to go through the same hell as I have been going through these past several days. Do you know if I will?
See, I have a PCP, 2 different Urologists and a pain management doctor. All together, they were costing me almost 300 dollars per month, including scripts. I couldn't afford it and it totally broke me. I'm going through a divorce, we split up at the end of July and I was forced to get my own place making 10.50 per hour. Having a little girl, I refused to take on another job because I'd rather be flat broke and have time with her each day, instead of taking that time away from her to work another job. With that being said, my finances quickly plummeted. In St. Pete, FL it's very hard to live on your own making 10.50. I was stuck at my job because it was secure and having the medical condition I have, I couldnt find a new job when I was missing work at least once a month for an ER visit for kidney stones. So month by month, the 300/mo in medical bills took it's toll and I had to leave FL to be in the company of relatives so that I can get back on my feet. Taking these pain meds have made me irresponsible and careless with my finances. I was on these pills all day, every day. I woke up with 30mg and went to bed with 30mg (with more during the day of course). I was high all the time and I didn't care about anything except going to work and spending time with my daughter. I lost my conscience and now I'm wanting it back. I would rather be in pain and have a clear conscience, than to be high all the time and not give a **** about anything.
Whether not talking to my doctors about this was a good idea or not, I did make the personal decision. I'm a thousand miles away from my doctors and currently without a job because I'm trying to withdrawal. I'm closing day 5 today and there's no point in my mind in going back again. The hell I went through since Friday is enough to make me realize that it's simply not worth going through again. So either way, the good or bad decisions I made in regards to quitting the pills are in the past and I've already made up my mind to move on. I'm not fixed yet, but I can't afford pain management. I also can't afford to be without a clear conscience day in and day out. I threw up my arms a few weeks ago and decided to quit the pills. It was the only option at that point for me, since I lost my job that day anyway. So I had no money coming in and I had more appointments coming up that I had no money for. I had 2 choices: 1 was to go to my last pain appointment and drive up north to detox or...2 was to use what little money I had for the next few appointments and wind up broke, jobless, possibly homeless and without any way to get up north.
Anyway, I am doing okay today so far. Not much sleep, but that's okay. I havent smoked pot yet today. I'm going to see how long I can go without. Hopefully I wont need it today. If I dont need it today, then that definately means I wont need it tomorrow and so on. Thanks again for your support! It is truly helping me so much!
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