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Originally Posted by StewartUK  The thing ive been struggling with since about 2006-ish is the lack of recall im now faced with everytime I drink more or less, I cant see any difference in the amount i consume now but i get to a point where its just *blank* and then i wake up in bed usually fully clothed with my shoes still on. |
Hi Stewart and welcome.
This happened to me in my last year or so of drinking. I had a large capacity for alcohol as my tolerance had increased but I got to the stage where 2 glasses of wine put me into blackout where I had no recollection after the binge of what I had done. I do know from what others have said is that I was functioning normally, the memory just was not there.
This is because the brain becomes damaged over time by the alcohol consumption and the short term memory doesn't get stored in the long term memory bank - that's my way of describing it but I read plenty about the effects alcohol has on the brain and body in the book Beyond the Influence by Katherine Ketcham and William Asbury. The book states that when you reach this point of blacking out quickly you are in the middle stages of alcoholism. And it only gets worse from then on.
There's a sticky on this site to the first book by the same author called Under the Influence.
The problem with alcoholism is that no matter how bad the last drunk was and how much we swear off and resolve not to drink again, the mental obsession to drink is so overwhelming, we end up doing it again.....with even worse results.
Another problem with alcohol is that it tells us we are not alcoholic when our actions and lack of control suggest we are. Even a few weeks before my last drink I would look down on the local alkie near where I live who had a can of superstrength lager at 8 in the morning wandering the streets. You see, I only drank wine and I never drank in the morning.......well not before 10.30, lol, but because it was behind closed doors it didn't count. Denial is common with all alcoholics.
Do you have a problem? Are you an alcoholic? Well only you can decide that one. Checking out the book above may be of help to you.
That mental obsession I talked about - the only solution I found to removing that was working the 12 Step program of AA. Perhaps you may think about going to a few meetings and seeing if you can identify with some of the people there. It helps to not be alone. This is a frightening illness.
take care.