I'm in the exact same situation as you, my very best friend & boyfriend is 2 months into a 10 month drug recovery program. I have learned here and at nar-anon meetings that this is the time to take care of myself, and I am trying, I am going to meetings, doing the readings, journaling, ect...but I find it all very hard when so much of what I am learning I want to share with him and can't. I have no idea what he is even thinking. His recovery program is definitely shutting me out, and as much as the reality hurts, I am scared that that concept will transfer with him after his treatment possible, if that is what they are telling him he needs to do (and it sure seems like they are). I feel like I am stuck in such LIMBO.
I understand recovery with family is very important, but what really bothers me is that it was NOT his family who suffered at the hands of his addiction, it was not his family whose money he spent to feed his habit, who lost their self-identity to him, and have to live with the shame of accepting you let someone take this from you. (I am NOT playing the victim, even though that last sentence could come off like that, I really am passed that- I, and I stress I, make the choice not to leave him earlier, and therefore I have to accept responsibility that it was my decision to stay that caused me to lose everything for him, and I can not blame anyone else. )
The point I am trying to make is that my boyfriends parents never would of know he was addicted to drugs if I hadn't called and told them. He lived on the opposite side of the country, and he only saw them on xmas each year for about 5 days. I lived with him, before he was an addict and then through his addiction, a total of 4 years, I was the one whose life began completely unmanageable because of his addiction. Their lives were not even shaken his addiction, whereas he left my life in shambles. Since his treatment program's first priority is healing their family relationship, I can't stop myself from feeling like a piece of garage, and even worst I start to question myself, am I some "demon" to his recovery? Do they even care to acknowledge what hell he has put me through...and maybe even pause and consider, "This girl, she is probably in a lot of pain right now too, and needs some type of closure". I just feel so menial.
I am sorry I didn't really give much advice, I am looking for some too, and for not I am just trying to let go of my anger, and concentrate of me. I have to let go of my bitterness to heal, I know that. Good luck, and please, keep me informed on your progress, I would love to share more with you about our similar situations. Have a great evening.