Hello Sparklinbluz,
I have no idea what it must be like to have children involved in a situation like this, but here's my experience...
My boyfriend of 3 years left me a few months after he started recovery. Except, he didnt tell me he had moved on. When he was pulling away, i figured it was because of AA and this is only ever what he told me it was - that he was focusing on the program. When i finally realized that he had moved on and was seeing someone else (we were technically on a break but trying to work things out) i was comepletely shocked and couldn't believe how callous and uncaring he seemed - how quickly he could cut the ties. He wouldn't give me answers when I asked. I was devestated and SO SO SO confused. I couldn't wrap my head around it. It make no sense and I felt completely betrayed - for a long time. What helped me was reading up on codependency, and working on my own issues.
I decided to not talk to him at all - i removed him from my life. UNTIL.... after many many months of no contact he started to contact me again saying that he made a mistake and that he distanced himself from me because he wanted to get away from his drinking days and felt he needed to explore his life in a fresh way. that seems to be the same thing your husband has told you... and it sucks. What i realized though is that sometimes people in recovery make hasty decisions and get caught up in this idealized version of life, or the selves that they think will come with sobriety. I have doubts that, my ex anyway, consistently feels one way towards things. I think he has a lot of issues and feelings that he had burried for years and is afraid to face them. And even though he sent me this huge emotional email telling me everything i wanted to hear, i am STILL unsure of his true intentions and still SO SO SO confused. What I can tell though, is that our situation does affect him and that he does feel a LOT more than what I originally thought he did about the situation and i have no doubt that your husband does too. I think people in sobriety need space, and will make many mistakes just like they consistently did in their drunk days.
I am not saying it's okay for them to act this way. But it was also not okay for them to be active alcoholics either. I'm just saying that I realized that it's unrealistic to expect complete and total understanding/revelations/maturity from people who, before they were sober, demonstrated little of those qualities.
The task for you is that, knowing what his current decisions are, how are you going to be responsible for your life now? personally, i had to learn to be okay with the idea of life without him. and it was the hardest thing i've ever had to do in my life, but i am so glad i did it. i became more in tune with the impermanence of everything our lives are built up with and it somehow gave me a completely new perspective towards significant others and what i need to be happy.
im sorry if this was a bit rambling - i wish you all the best, and i truly feel for you - be gentle with yourself, and take care of yourself. there's a lot of support out there, and this board is filled with intelligent and caring people who can help you weather this storm