Welcome.
Please continue to protect and your child from somone potentially violent.
How do you rectify the two sides of your husband? How do any of us? Painfully. By accepting they ARE both.
It is NEVER NEVER NEVER okay for anyone to abuse you at anytime. NEVER. So no matter how good and golden and kind and handsome and funny and complimentary or whatever they are, it means nothing if they treat you like dirt (even if the dirt is only sometimes).
You deserve love and honor and respect.
You deserve love and honor and respect. (did you get it the second time?)
You deserve love and honor and respect. (believe it yet?)
Write it on a yellow stickie and put it somewhere you'll see it every day. Tell yourself.
The way out of this is to hold your fragile self in your arms as if you were your own child and care for her. Listen to what she wants and needs and protect her.
What I see is a person with strength that is opening her eyes. The fact that you are here shows you are growing. You are ready for change. You are ready to move toward the life you and your child deserve.
You can do it!
Stick around.
Try picking up a copy of Codependent No More by Melody Beattie.
Read the stickies at the top of the forum.
Hugs
wife