My heart goes out to you; I was so sad reading your post. You CANNOT change him; only he can do that. He is an alcoholic, and even though when sober he is VERY AWARE of how he hurts you, he does nothing to stop. You are worth far more than this drunk bully of a man. I can tell from reading that your self esteem is shot to pieces which is a consequence of living with this disease. Why don't you have no contact at all for a while and see if he goes for help; and remember, he will only stop when the pain becomes too much for HIM, not for you. Don't be held to ransom by his threats either; what a control freak! Concentrate on yourself and your little boy, get some strength back, physically and mentally. You don't have to make any major decisions right now, take all the time you need. Is this the life you want for yourself? Do you want your son learning that this is how men treat women? And try Al-Anon meetings, where you will be understood and given support through this. Prayers and thoughts are with you, God bless.