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dotcom · 06-14-2004, 10:54 PM

good thread mg,

sometimes i dont know what it is that triggers me. is that normal? sometimes i can pinpoint it, and others i can't. for instance, i wake up in the middle of the night because i think i am in that same experience again. perhaps i was dreaming? then theres a moment when i dont know where i am and sometimes i cry.

but for those moments i have my teddy bear and classical music to help out and reminding myself of where i am (once i realize where i am).

then those moments i know exactly what triggers me, i just buckle my seat belt and try to control myself. a few times i have gotten way out of line with the things i said to people who never hurt me (well, not hurt me in terrible ways). those moments are embarressing at times and i try so hard to just bite my tongue but theres this overwhelming need to defend myself against the "perceived attack". those are mostly emotional outbursts. it takes awhile to convince myself that i really am okay and what im "instigating" is all in my head.

i havent had a real aggressive "outburst" since last fall (well, that was the worst one. there have been anger outbursts but not quite as bad). where i shook and felt like i could rip heads off and swore like a sailor. when that happens it takes me a long time to "shake it off" and i usually get emotionally drained afterward.

i dont think i can control myself when i get that angry. it is split second, as is the emotional ones but the emotional ones have MUCH LESS POTENTIAL for damage to myself and others. i do know what sets me off with the anger though and im working REALLY hard to rewind those feelings and remind myself that i am okay, things are different, etc. i know what sets off the emotional crap but i have much more difficulty convincing myself that i am okay and that things are different.

anywho, thanks for letting me share.

06-14-2004, 10:54 PM	#7 (permalink)
dotcom Member Join Date: Oct 2003 Location: laughing at my avatar Posts: 1,636	good thread mg, sometimes i dont know what it is that triggers me. is that normal? sometimes i can pinpoint it, and others i can't. for instance, i wake up in the middle of the night because i think i am in that same experience again. perhaps i was dreaming? then theres a moment when i dont know where i am and sometimes i cry. but for those moments i have my teddy bear and classical music to help out and reminding myself of where i am (once i realize where i am). then those moments i know exactly what triggers me, i just buckle my seat belt and try to control myself. a few times i have gotten way out of line with the things i said to people who never hurt me (well, not hurt me in terrible ways). those moments are embarressing at times and i try so hard to just bite my tongue but theres this overwhelming need to defend myself against the "perceived attack". those are mostly emotional outbursts. it takes awhile to convince myself that i really am okay and what im "instigating" is all in my head. i havent had a real aggressive "outburst" since last fall (well, that was the worst one. there have been anger outbursts but not quite as bad). where i shook and felt like i could rip heads off and swore like a sailor. when that happens it takes me a long time to "shake it off" and i usually get emotionally drained afterward. i dont think i can control myself when i get that angry. it is split second, as is the emotional ones but the emotional ones have MUCH LESS POTENTIAL for damage to myself and others. i do know what sets me off with the anger though and im working REALLY hard to rewind those feelings and remind myself that i am okay, things are different, etc. i know what sets off the emotional crap but i have much more difficulty convincing myself that i am okay and that things are different. anywho, thanks for letting me share. __________________ probably not.