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Originally Posted by ClayTheScribe  Claudius, my heart goes out to you. I have major depression, but I can't comprehend the madness and pain and confusion you've suffered as a schizophrenic person.
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I did just that, self-medicating, for about 3 years with pot and alcohol. Now 4 months sober, it seems illogical I would self-medicate because while pot and alcohol were fun and a distraction from my emotional problems at first, they in the end did more damage than good. I hope you've come to that conclusion by now about your opiate addiction. Alcohol and pot basically made it so my psych medicines didn't work as effectively, thus I'd get really anxious, agitated and depressed the next day--or when I was coming off the high--, and toward the end, the moment I stopped drinking. Pot turned me into a nervous wreck for the last 3 years, or so and alcohol made me depressed. On those days after drinking or smoking, my depression would get so severe my feelings of self-hatred would boil up inside of me and I would cut myself, and sometimes burn. Those scars will never go away, and perhaps they shouldn't to serve as a reminder of what alcohol and drugs can to me. Pot and alcohol cost me a good scholarship, the respect of some teachers, a good friend and roommate and delayed my graduation by 2 years |
It’s interesting and tragic that both you and I are presently gravitating to the worst possible drugs in regards to our mental afflictions. Alcohol and pot will most definitely increase exponentially your depression symptoms and like for me: the cocaine amplifies my schizophrenia….for hours I am 100% psychotic with hallucinations and audible delusions. I do not have visual hallucinations when I am not taking cocaine only audible delusions which is bad enough. The initial drug of preference, for me, was opiates due to the fact that I had already served seven years of schizophrenia by that time, when I was twenty four. Though for some reason, now that I have been off the opiates in the form of Suboxone substitution for a year now I began gravitating towards cocaine.
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Originally Posted by ClayTheScribe But there is hope.
In April, my therapist I had been seeing for 3 years told me she could no longer treat me because she wasn't qualified to treat addiction. So I had to seek out a therapist that treats dual diagnosis--addiction and mental illness--and I'm seeing a new one in a week. You may want to find such a professional yourself as this person can help answer your mental health and addiction questions probably better than I can. You also might want to read Zencat's DRA (Dual Recovery Anonymous) thread about a group that focuses on mental illness and addiction together and google it to find a meeting if that interests you. If you're not on medication, you may want to get help for your addiction and consider, with a psychiatrist, about getting on some psych meds. If you're already taking meds, then talk to your doctor about treating your addiction because the opiates and the meds won't work together. And sometimes I have to tweak my drugs with my psychiatrist to get on the right cocktail. No doctor or scientist has found the cure for any mental illness, yet. But they can be treated and managed and you can live a healthy life. |
I did attend a dual clinic for three years but when I tried to go back to work, when I did go back to work, it was under a different insurance (Blue Cross & Blue Shield) and proper care was unattainable to obtain therapy because my new insurance would not cover. Private from public, no longer would pay. I prey to the gods daily and write our representatives to pass the public option bill. To make a long story short without proper medication I fell to the dark side and yet again lost everything. Getting kind of old.