SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information - View Single Post

CrackQuack · 11-21-2009, 10:23 AM

Thank you for your viewpoint, but the reason I came to a women's forum was so I could bash men. I am angry. I am hurt. And I don't care what people think about it. I don't go into men's forums and read their stuff, but if I did, and saw them female bashing, sure, I wouldn't like it, but ya know what, we've got to vent somewhere, or that's how some of domestic violence occurs. Trust me, I've been through that too. I've EARNED my right to vent and cuss and call men names. A lot of women have earned it. Whether they want to or not is their business, and when I am angry enough, I would like to know I've got somewhere to go and vent, safely.
WE have shared parenting, in which I agreed to supervised visits, when in active addiction, NO court involved, for the sake of my child. I let him dictate and control our time together, because I thought it was best for my son. Who wants to be around a mom who gets high anway?? Well, I don't get high anymore, and I've not had, what was agreed to, in a court of law, shared parenting for over a year. I am supposed to get him every other weekend. Several weeks in the summer. Every Wednesday. Which, we've always made small adjustments according to school and work schedules. At first, it worked well. Back in 2001-2004. Right after my dad killed himself is when my ex really started trying to play with the time together with my son and I. I've always had to fight to get report cards, parent teacher meetings, and other involvements like that, with my son.
He left ME for another woman, yet treats me like I should not date. He's HATED every man I've dated since. He's got a point with THAT MAN who shared his crack with me. The other two men I've dated have no criminal records, no arrests, not even stupid crap like speeding tickets. They don't do drugs. They treated my son well. It's like it's OK for him to have someone in his life but not me, and I get punished by him making plans with my son, on my time. Which, to me, hurts because it takes away from both of us.
And you better believe we're going to court. I will file contempt of court because this has gone on long enough. I just needed somewhere to vent and get my anger out so I can get my head on straight before I go down there and get the ball rolling. It would be really eye opening to tell the judge "Your Honor, we're here today because I'd really love to stab my ex in the neck. Or cut his heart out with a spoon because he's a real douchebag. He's been that way since my father passed, and justifies it with my PAST drug abuse, now. Now he has an excuse, in his mind. So I'd really like to kill him. "
I can imagine how well that would go over.. Like I always say, we can be angry. We can say or type words and think bad things. It's what we actually DO with those thoughts that set us apart from the other animals and crosses the moral boundry.
HE took away the time with my son. HE made plans to drive him up to Columbus. THEN he tells my son he'll NEVER spend a night with me and he DID make those plans ON PURPOSE in order to avoid him being able to come here. Yet he'll string me along by telling me "I don't think we have plans this weekend. Let me check. I'll get back with you. " Crap like that. Yeah, and I am the bad girl for bashing him. I'll bash him all I want. Never in front of my son. I tell my son it makes me angry that he did that, but I don't call him names or anything. I don't believe in that, but I DO believe in being able to write it out.
I feel a lot better afterwards.. Ok, I am still angry, but eventually, I'll get my head on straight. I've got all weekend. Courts are closed until Monday. So I'll stew. Yeah. It's not doing anything, productive, no. But I feel it. I expressed it. I'll move on, get a good strategy going.. Learn to spell. LOL!
Thank you for your POV though. I am not meaning to direct anger at you. If I did, I apologize.
As for the other responses, I really like the surrounding myself in recovery. I have no intentions of using, and no desires. It actually feels good to feel like I can be angry. I can be going through a rough time. And I don't want to use. Thank you so much for your prayers too. I really appreciate it. It's always a blessing to have your HP on your side.
Thank you, everyone. For letting me vent. For the prayers. For the advice. It's a horrible time. I don't like this one bit. But, with my friends online and in person, I'll make it. We can do it! THANK YOU. I am actually starting to feel better as I write this..

11-21-2009, 10:23 AM	#6 (permalink)
CrackQuack Member Join Date: Mar 2009 Location: Dayton, OH. Posts: 879 Blog Entries: 7	Thank you for your viewpoint, but the reason I came to a women's forum was so I could bash men. I am angry. I am hurt. And I don't care what people think about it. I don't go into men's forums and read their stuff, but if I did, and saw them female bashing, sure, I wouldn't like it, but ya know what, we've got to vent somewhere, or that's how some of domestic violence occurs. Trust me, I've been through that too. I've EARNED my right to vent and cuss and call men names. A lot of women have earned it. Whether they want to or not is their business, and when I am angry enough, I would like to know I've got somewhere to go and vent, safely. WE have shared parenting, in which I agreed to supervised visits, when in active addiction, NO court involved, for the sake of my child. I let him dictate and control our time together, because I thought it was best for my son. Who wants to be around a mom who gets high anway?? Well, I don't get high anymore, and I've not had, what was agreed to, in a court of law, shared parenting for over a year. I am supposed to get him every other weekend. Several weeks in the summer. Every Wednesday. Which, we've always made small adjustments according to school and work schedules. At first, it worked well. Back in 2001-2004. Right after my dad killed himself is when my ex really started trying to play with the time together with my son and I. I've always had to fight to get report cards, parent teacher meetings, and other involvements like that, with my son. He left ME for another woman, yet treats me like I should not date. He's HATED every man I've dated since. He's got a point with THAT MAN who shared his crack with me. The other two men I've dated have no criminal records, no arrests, not even stupid crap like speeding tickets. They don't do drugs. They treated my son well. It's like it's OK for him to have someone in his life but not me, and I get punished by him making plans with my son, on my time. Which, to me, hurts because it takes away from both of us. And you better believe we're going to court. I will file contempt of court because this has gone on long enough. I just needed somewhere to vent and get my anger out so I can get my head on straight before I go down there and get the ball rolling. It would be really eye opening to tell the judge "Your Honor, we're here today because I'd really love to stab my ex in the neck. Or cut his heart out with a spoon because he's a real douchebag. He's been that way since my father passed, and justifies it with my PAST drug abuse, now. Now he has an excuse, in his mind. So I'd really like to kill him. " I can imagine how well that would go over.. Like I always say, we can be angry. We can say or type words and think bad things. It's what we actually DO with those thoughts that set us apart from the other animals and crosses the moral boundry. HE took away the time with my son. HE made plans to drive him up to Columbus. THEN he tells my son he'll NEVER spend a night with me and he DID make those plans ON PURPOSE in order to avoid him being able to come here. Yet he'll string me along by telling me "I don't think we have plans this weekend. Let me check. I'll get back with you. " Crap like that. Yeah, and I am the bad girl for bashing him. I'll bash him all I want. Never in front of my son. I tell my son it makes me angry that he did that, but I don't call him names or anything. I don't believe in that, but I DO believe in being able to write it out. I feel a lot better afterwards.. Ok, I am still angry, but eventually, I'll get my head on straight. I've got all weekend. Courts are closed until Monday. So I'll stew. Yeah. It's not doing anything, productive, no. But I feel it. I expressed it. I'll move on, get a good strategy going.. Learn to spell. LOL! Thank you for your POV though. I am not meaning to direct anger at you. If I did, I apologize. As for the other responses, I really like the surrounding myself in recovery. I have no intentions of using, and no desires. It actually feels good to feel like I can be angry. I can be going through a rough time. And I don't want to use. Thank you so much for your prayers too. I really appreciate it. It's always a blessing to have your HP on your side. Thank you, everyone. For letting me vent. For the prayers. For the advice. It's a horrible time. I don't like this one bit. But, with my friends online and in person, I'll make it. We can do it! THANK YOU. I am actually starting to feel better as I write this.. __________________ "You can't quit until you try, you can't live until you die, you can't learn to tell the truth until you learn to lie." "Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting a tomato in a fruit salad."