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Learning from our past instead of dwelling on it. I like that and agree.
I feel like I have been stuck in the mud for the past 8 years. Sure in that time I have "functioned" therefore fooled myself into thinking my drinking was okay. I have also lost so much, and I wonder if I had not been self medicating all these years, could things have turned out different?? Sure they would have.
That is what keeps me up nights, the guilt and the regret for all the time I've wasted. Plus all the bad choices I made, mostly due to drinking. You can't go back, you can only learn from the mistakes. I get that, just have a hard time forgiving myself sometimes. It is easier to just numb it all away. I'm sick of it, sick of hiding and lying. It's time to start living again, whatever that means. It's also scary, though, the thought of being sober in times of stress. I mean, there was a reason I started using to begin with--to hide from real life calamaties. They will still be there if sober, what if I can't handle them? Then I think...how selfish. And how scary...
I'm rambling. Thanks for listening, today will be a better day!
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