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ElegantlyWasted · 11-15-2009, 12:30 PM

You sound like I did when I got sober, welp, my way isn't working any more, lets try something different"

ditto that... It's a viscious cycle that caused me to think numerous times "why even bother". I was fundamentally a decision that I preferred the feeling of booz instead of engaging life and all it's uncertainties. As a perfectionist I want every thing to work flawlessly; that isn't realistic nor healthy. Booz was a twisted perfection in that i knew that it would make me feel good (an escape from living life on life's terms). I'm always skeptical of those who claim to have conversion experiences where suddenly everything is much better. I try to keep it concrete in thAt I know it has the potential to kill me if I pick up again. I can count my arrests and body scars all of which are related to alcohol. In the middle of month 4 life is far from perfect, but getting better. I've gotten through the initial physical w drawal and am constructively dealing with some paws issues that are getting better. Initially I was sober, but not quite sane, I still get occasional urges. What helped me this time was honestly assessing what to expect and being conscious of it and the dealing with the reality of what that implies. My GF told me she wasn't going to drink last Thursday after comming home and passing out... She drank last night. Know what your doing is normal, as most people try numerous times befor acheiving any sustained success. Have another go at it and don't beat yourself up to much over the past. I've tried with increasing success to learn from my past without dwelling on it.

11-15-2009, 12:30 PM	#6 (permalink)
ElegantlyWasted Excellence... not Perfection Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: AZ Posts: 1,190 Blog Entries: 8	You sound like I did when I got sober, welp, my way isn't working any more, lets try something different" ditto that... It's a viscious cycle that caused me to think numerous times "why even bother". I was fundamentally a decision that I preferred the feeling of booz instead of engaging life and all it's uncertainties. As a perfectionist I want every thing to work flawlessly; that isn't realistic nor healthy. Booz was a twisted perfection in that i knew that it would make me feel good (an escape from living life on life's terms). I'm always skeptical of those who claim to have conversion experiences where suddenly everything is much better. I try to keep it concrete in thAt I know it has the potential to kill me if I pick up again. I can count my arrests and body scars all of which are related to alcohol. In the middle of month 4 life is far from perfect, but getting better. I've gotten through the initial physical w drawal and am constructively dealing with some paws issues that are getting better. Initially I was sober, but not quite sane, I still get occasional urges. What helped me this time was honestly assessing what to expect and being conscious of it and the dealing with the reality of what that implies. My GF told me she wasn't going to drink last Thursday after comming home and passing out... She drank last night. Know what your doing is normal, as most people try numerous times befor acheiving any sustained success. Have another go at it and don't beat yourself up to much over the past. I've tried with increasing success to learn from my past without dwelling on it. __________________ "We're all told at some point in time that we can no longer play the children's game, we just don't...we don't know when that's gonna be. Some of us are told at eighteen, some of us are told at forty, but we're all told."