Should I even be posting in recovery? My 3 half assed attempts have only lasted a couple days, with yesterday being a total bender..(I woke up to a bunch of empty sunflower seeds in my bed...uh, okay???)
I concede defeat. My way of doing sobriety is not working, my will is just not strong enough--even though it feels iron clad right now. I know come late afternoon, it's all over.
I sent my friend a message, telling her I would like for her to take me to an AA meeting today. I still don't know if AA is the right choice for me, but for now it is a positive choice. This afternoon, instead of choosing to drink, I will choose something healthy. Because I am so, SO sick of life passing me by and I just keep doing the same things over and over.
Drunk on a Saturday night and a bed full of sunflower seeds. COME ON!!! I should have been out enjoying life. Instead of pretending it's gonna start tomorrow, in my booze induced temporary well being. So sick of pretending and lying--mostly to myself.
So, day 1 again. Feel free to kick me to the curb if I have no right to be in recovery and you guys are sick of broken records.
