[freya]

Well, first off, I absolutely believe that miracles do happen in recovery. And I certainly think that it would be absolutely wonderful to be in a relationship in which both persons are strongly committed to working a 12 Step program. I also think and feel that if you are feeling this strongly drawn to this person and to at least investigating the possibility of renewing your relationship with her, that you probably need to do that....

....but I also think and feel that there is a pretty big potential for hurt and disappointment here and that you need to go very, very slowly and be very, very careful.

Several things from your post that are of concern for me:

* She is only sober 18 months and not yet finished with her way through the Steps for the first time.

* She was until very recently still involved in an intimate relationship with another addict -- that just really raises red flags for me in terms of her general self-esteem and mental health -- not to even get into the whole rebound thing that you mentioned.

* From your post it appears that when the two of you have made plans to meet in the past, the "reasons" for canceling/postponing have been on her side. That, to me, raises some questions about how seriously she really wants to do this....or, at the very least, how comfortable she is doing it.

As I'm sure you know, relationships are very hard work, and, in my experience, As without solid recovery under their belts tend not to be able to do relationships -- of any type -- well. They just don't have the skills and the emotional maturity for it...and, realistically, their first attempts at Steps 8 and 9 are where they begin to develop those skills.

Wolfchild, you seem, in general, to be pretty together and have solid recovery, if you really feel drawn to this, then you probably need to check it out and see where it goes. I wish you lots of luck -- just please, please be careful!

luv,
freya