[Gypsy Feet]

I failed at step 4. . .

see now, my sponsor hasn't done the steps in over 20 years, and admits to doing some of them in a less than thorough manner. I asked her what I should be doing, and she asked me what characteristics I had that I didn't like, but I don't know. . .

I'd like to be less insecure.

I don't really resent people I don't think. I mean, if you say "I wish so and so wasn't so hostile, but he smokes a lot of weed and has always been intense and moody, I hope he finds his way" is that resentful? I know it is judging, and I don't want to be judgmental, but I talk to my higher all the time about it, about me not being better than anyone else and all of us having our own journeys.

I resent there are cops and judges and governors etc who abuse their power. It makes me feel. . . .sick and scared, but its not something I think about much, and I reckon its just the way it is.

I have a disturbing habit of thinking how easy it would be to grab potted plants or lawn ornaments out of peoples yards and decorate my own with them. I would never do it, and I talk to my higher power when ever I catch myself thinking it.

my sponsor asked me if I was just afraid to look hard enough, or if I really felt this way, but I dont feel like I am hiding. I haven't lost any friends since I got sober (didn't have many left after that). I am in a disagreement with my intense friend because I am not passionate enough about saving the planet, so he called me a baby seal clubber =)

anyway, the meeting with my sponsor ended with her just saying to keep practicing the second and third step, and call her if I ever wanted to meet again. . .

F----- (thats an ef minus minus minus, not a cuss word!!)