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The type of alcoholic I was is that I don't really have a probolem with life per se and I was not drinking everyday to block out life but instead I used my drinking binges as a recreational activity. The activity of listening to my music whils't just geting smashed without a care in the world for those few hours is what I am craving the most and I miss it because although it sounds such a simple pleasure, i8t is one I used to love. It is just the aftermath and the spilling over of the drinking into benders which affect every aspect of my life and other peoples life is what made them a very self-harming activity.
I guess because I have such a deep, deep connection to my music and the bands I love that I cannot help feeling I am missing "something" that I used to get. I guess maybe many people just won't understand what I mean but that in a nutshell is what I miss the most. I used to love the deeper connection I could "feel" with music and drinking/drugging. The funny thing is though I actually know I can connect with it and have been listening to music 1000* more since I have gotten sober as when i was drinking I couldn't listen to music when sober as I just didn't want to know if I couldn;t drink.
Anyone else relate to this?
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