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Thanks for bringing up the inevitable... the holidays.... I was just wondering myself. Every holiday with my RAH -not in recovery were unpredictable, chaotic and tiring. I followed through on plans as much as I could b/c of my kids and just tried to get through one day at a time. I think we all have terrible memories to deal with, but the point of the holiday as I learned is to focus on what it is really about and let go of the rest.
I would suggest do the things that the kids want modestly - meaning you can have a smaller dinner, or have everyone bring a dish so that you aren't expected to do too much. Plan to keep it short and if things go ok, people can hang out longer -you do this by the time you set up the meal. You can modify gift giving any number of ways to reduce stress and be creative at the same time. Some years I have made plans to attend holiday shows or events or watch movies etc. sometimes I have spent them quietly reading uplifting material by candlelight in front of the tree with my gourmet tea.
I have more ideas... mostly the focus for me starts with the purpose of the holiday and I let the family/cultural pressures in as much as I can and cut out what I can't handle. One thing I have learned painfully is that there are no restaurants open for C dinner - not even in hotels where I live. That's a major disappointment.
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